Ibi byiciro by’urukundo, Helen Ficher niwe wagaragaje ko ari bitatu. Ngo igice cya mbere ni désir, cyangwa se kwifuza, igice cya kabiri ni urukundo ruhebuje, cyangwa se amour romantique, naho igice cya gagatutu ngo ni attachement, kwizirika ku wundi cyangwa se kubana nawe akaramata.
NONE SE BIRASHOBOKA KUDACA INYUMA UWO MUKUNDANA ITEKA RYOSE?
Dr Gian Gonzaga, psychologue muri Université ya Calfornie, yakoze ubushakashatsi yerekana ko abantu babiri bashobora gukundana urukundo rwabo bonyine ntihagire uca undi inyuma. Ariko kandi nyuma y’ubwo bushakashatsi bwe yongeyeho ngo: “Ndatekereza ko évolution yaduhaye ubushobozi bwo kuba twakwishora mu rukundo n’umuntu umwe. Ariko kandi nanone usanga ari ibintu bigoranye kubyumva, kuko usanga nta guhitamo tuba dufite hagati yo gukomeza kuba indahemuka ku muntu, hamwe no kuba wamuca inyuma. Usanga umuntu aba ashobora kuba indahemuka mu gihe runaka, ariko nyuma y’igihe ugasanga arahemutse. Ibyo biterwa n’uko abantu usanga dukora ibintu runaka bitewe n’aho turi, cyangwa se abo turi kumwe nabo”
Abashakashatsi rero bakomeje kubyigaho ngo barebe ukuntu umuntu yemera akanamba ku muntu umwe gusa, aho kugirango abe yajyanwa n’ibishuko bitandukanye biba bimukikije. Aha rero bagerageje kureba niba koko ari urukundo, cyangwa se niba ari ukwifuza umuntu, désir, bituma umuntu yirukana abandi bantu bose mu mutwe we ntabatekerezeho, ahubwo agakomeza gutekereza ku muntu umwe gusa.
Gian Gonzaga yakomeje gukorera ubushakashatsi ku banyeshuri bafite inshuti, maze ngo asanga iyo umuntu yakunze undi cyane atabasha kumwibagirwa ku buryo bworoshye, ngo ibitekerezo bimuganisha ku wundi muntu uwo ariwe wese ngo aba afite ubushobozi bwo kubyirukanira kure. Ibishuko byerekeza ku mibonano mpuzabitsina byo rero ni kure kubi, icyo gihe ngo ntibibasha kumufata.
URUKUNDO NGO RUBA RUGOMBA GUHORA RURWANA NO KWIFUZA (DESIR)
Kubera iki? Gian arabisobanura muri aya magambo: “Ukwifuza cyangwa se désir ngo ni ikintu gikomeye gusobanukirwa. Ibi bikaba biterwa n’uko ngo naho uko kwifuza umuntu yaba abifitiye umukunzi we nyakuri, ngo nabyo ntacyo bivuze kuko nabyo byakwica ubudahemuka bw’umuntu. Ibi bikaba biterwa n’uko umwe mu mirimo uko kwifuza gukora ari ukugenda ureba hirya no hino iruhande rw’umukunzi wawe, ko nta wundi muntu waba umurusha kuba séduisante, cyangwa se gukurura abantu. Byumvikana ko iyo ukundanye n’umuntu ukurura cyane, plus attirant(e), ngo ni ibintu bishobora kubera bibi couple yanyu. Mwebwe mwembi. »
Ibi rero ngo bivuga ko niba abantu babiri babana umubano ushingiye ku rukundo, ngo haba hari amahirwe menshi cyane y’uko urugo rwanyu ruzaramba. Kuko ngo iyo mwabanye bidashingiye ku rukundo ahubwo bishingiye ku kwifuza, le désir, ngo biba bishoboka cyane ko hazabaho kujya kureba abandi bagukurura ku ruhande ! Gusa icyaguhumuriza ni uko ngo uhereye kera urukundo rwagiye ruhinduka narwo ruganisha ku kuba rwabasha gutuma habaho ingo zishobora kubana akaramata. Naho icyo désir cyangwa se kwifuza bitumarira gusa, ngo ni ukumenya ko umuntu afite utunyangingo tuzima. Urukundo rero, ngo nirwo mu byukuri rudufasha kwiyemeza kubana n’umuntu akaramata, ndetse rukanadufasha kuzamubera indahemuka ntitwigere tumuca inyuma na rimwe.
Ibi ngo bihura neza neza n’ibyo Helen Ficher nawe yabonye ku bijyanye na cya gice cya gatatu mu rukundo, aricyo attachement, cyangwa se kubana akaramata nyine. Dore we uko asobanura attachement, cyangwa se kwizirika ku muntu : « Kwizirika ku muntu, attachement, ni ibyiyumvo umuntu agira, aho yumva anyuzwe, anezerewe, atuje, iyo ari kumwe n’umuntu ushobora kuzamubera umukunzi w’igihe kirekire. »
UMUBIRI WACU NGO WABA UFITE AKAYUNGURUZO KAMENYA URUKUNDO NYAKURI
Aka kayunguruzo gakora iyo abantu bakoranye imibonano mpuzabitsina. Icyo twise akayunguruzo ni umusemburo witwa cytocyne nawo uvuburwa n’ubwonko. Uyu musemburo wa cytocyne, kera abantu bibwiraga ko nta kandi kamaro ufite uretse gufasha abagore batwite kubyara, ndetse no gutuma bagira amashereka menshi.
Muri iki gihe rero aho ubushakashatsi bwatereye imbere, ubu abashakashatsi basanze ngo hari ibindi bintu uyu musemburo ufasha abagore, yewe n’abagabo. Uyu musemburo ngo waba ukora nk’umusemburo utuma abantu bashimishwa n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, cyane cyane igihe cya orgasme, cyangwa se igihe ibyishimo by’aba bantu bombi biba bigeze ahantu hakomeye. Uyu musemburo ngo niwo utuma abakorana imibonano mpuzabitsina baba batuje, bakirekura mbere yo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, igihe bayikora, ndetse na nyuma yo kuyikora. Umva ukuntu Helen abisobanura: “Niyo mpamvu iyo umuntu akoranye imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umuntu akunda, usanga yiyumva nk’umuntu wageze mu ijuru. Uri ahandi hantu heza. Nta gushidikanya ni ukubera ko wa musemburo wa cytocyne uba wiyongereye mu mubiri, ariwo utuma umuntu yumva yiziritse ku wundi.”
Bivugwa ko rero ngo uko abantu babiri bakundana bakoranye imibonano mpuzabitsina kenshi, ngo niko wa musemburo wa cytocyne uvuburwa buri kanya, ngo maze na kwa kumva umwe yiziritse ku wundi bigakomera. Helen Ficher ngo “Iyi niyo mpamvu ari bibi cyane kuryamana n’umuntu wumva udakunda koko! Ibi mpora mbisubiriramo abanyeshuri banjye. Mbabuza gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina n’abantu babonye bose, badakunda by’ukuri, badashaka no kuba bakundana nabo, kuko haba hari ingorane zo gutuma ubwonko bwabo bombi butangira akazi ko kuvubura ya misemburo ishobora gutuma ukunda uwo muntu utabishakaga. Icyo gihe uba ukina n’umuriro!”
Gusa, n’ubwo tuvuze uyu musemburo wa cytocyne, ntago ari aho bicira gusa kuko ngo hari n’undi witwa Vasoplécinie. Uyu musemburo nawe uvuburwa igihe abantu barimo bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina, ngo nawo ugira uruhare rukomeye cyane mu gutuma habaho kubana birambye. Cyangwa se kugumana kw’abantu babiri igihe kirekire.
Kugirango babone aka kamaro uyu musemburo ugira, abascientifique bifashishije uko bigendekera imbeba z’imusozi. Burya, ngo izo mbeba zibarirwa muri 3% konyine k’inyamabere ziryamana n’indi imwe yonyine ubuzima bwayo bwose. Ngo kuri utu tunyamaswa, nabwo hari uwo musemburo wa vasoplécine uvuburwa igihe utu tunyamaswa twombi turimo kubonana, ari nako bigenda neza neza iyo abantu babiri bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ibi rero ngo bigaterwa n’uko uwo musemburo ufite aho wakirirwa mu bwonko kandi aho wakirirwa hafitanye isano na ha hantu mu bwonko haturuka ibijyana no kwitura umuntu, circuit de récompense. Bityo, gukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umuntu ngo bituma uku kwitura umuntu bibyuka, binyuriye mu guhora wibuka ibyiza by’uyu muntu mwakoranye imibonano mpuzabitsina bityo ntumwibagirwe.
Abascientifique rero ngo basanze ibingibi by’uyu musemburo uvuburwa igihe cyo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, ugatera umuntu kutibagirwa uwo bayikoranye, ngo ni ibintu byabayeho kuva kera maze bigenda bikura mu nyamaswa zose ziryamana n’imwe gusa, aha hakaba habarirwamo n’abantu.
KWIFUZA UMUNTU, KUMUKUNDA BIHEBUJE, NO KUBANA NAWE AKARAMATA NGO BIRURUKA KU MISEMBURO UMUBIRI UVUBURA IGIHE CYAYO.
Ikihe gihe? Ugukururana kw’abantu babiri (séduire) bituma abantu babiri bashyuha, bagashishikara, ndetse ugasanga umuntu yasinze uwo munezero atewe n’undi muntu yumva yikundiye. Hari kandi ya misemburo itandukanye ivuburwa n’ubwonko, ndetse hakaba n’indi ivuburwa n’umubiri ubwawo, yose igafasha umuntu gutuma asa n’uwinjiye mu buzima bwa mugenzi we yakunze, mbese akamujyamo.
Noneho rero iyo abantu bamaze kubyarana abana, ya misemburo nabwo irahinduka, hakavuburwa izafasha abo bantu bombi kugumana bakarerana abana. Ibi bikaba bishaka kuvuga ngo, urukundo sirwo rwonyine rubitera. Ahubwo ni kimwe mu bintu bituma abantu babiri bakundana bonyine ntawe uca undi inyuma, bakagumana bakazabyarana n’abana. Hiyongereyeho rero urwo ruvangitirane rw’imisemburo ivuburwa, cyane cyane igihe murimo mukora imibonano mpuzabitsina.
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